S1 shop,
We have your famous mascot, Gumby!!! We snatched him quietly and discreetly while he was dosing off during his guard shift. We discovered his famed status while reading an article about him in the most recent issue of the Battalion's Newsletter: Phoenix Rising.
Attached are a few pictures to show you that we mean business and that Gumby is still alive and well, although we can't guarantee his full health. Because he is such an important asset to your team, we know you will deliver a hefty ransom for his return.
We will be in touch...